Day 70

Sunday

So eharmony has been a little lack lustre the past month or so. None of the matches are of interest to me and I haven't responded to any requests to communicate. So today I decided to change my tactics and see what happens. That means I've initiated communication with a few guys that I was hoping would come to me first. Perhaps some people only log in if they receive requests to communicate? I still believe most guys want to chase and not be chased but then I've never been good at "supposed to" and figure it's online, nothing to lose right?

Oddly enough, 2 of the guys are from BC and I finally answered first questions from a guy in MB too so I'm not sure where, if anywhere, these conversations will lead but I'll keep you posted.

I haven't been very fair to *Detroit. He did call me for a second date and I've been putting him on hold. I'm sure it has something to do with reconnecting with my former flame *Naples. I am still wavering on calling *Detroit to apologize for my putting him off. He's gone from the site, he was only on for a one month subscription and I guess he didn't feel it was something he wanted to keep doing. I understand that! Been there! But the fact that he is gone gives me an out. It gives me almost permission to let it just fall by the wayside. I mean really, we had one drink together for an hour a month ago. I think I've just answered my own question.

*Naples. We've had a couple of dates, great dates. I love being with him, he makes me smile. I'm so glad he's back in my life. But...he isn't interested in me being his girlfriend. Has he said that? No. But I know. I think. I don't know. He participates and responds instantly to anything from me, a phone call, a text, any and all of it. But he doesn't initiate. I can pretend it's because he's wary of me from our first time around but I've made it pretty clear I like being with him and he isn't taking any steps to move us forward. But I'm not very patient as all of my best girls like to remind me! It's all good, I'm enjoying it and will just try to go with the flow instead of forcing us both to swim upstream! I'll try anyway haha.

There are other possibilities in my future. I have a date with someone I've known for a couple of years - let's call him *Kensington. He travels a lot so it may take a while to make it happen but we've been making a pretty good effort to stay connected and talk so I'm looking forward to that. He's so sweet and talented and beautiful, I am thrilled we're finally seeing what's there. Or we're going to soon anyway.

So...thankfully real life has been filling in where online life has been lacking! As I say...it's hard for the one to compete with the other but I haven't had to worry about it since online has been quiet. I'm still feeling good about my summertime romance prospects :-)

Tally for Day 70:

Eharmony Guys to Mention: 0
Real Life Prospects: 2?

Day 56

Sunday

I've been on eharmony now for a couple of months. The first time was a one month trial that was pretty exciting. It resulted in a failed relationship but was good enough to convince me to try it again. It does seem though that my experience changes the longer I spend on this site.

Perhaps its the warmer weather, my busier work schedule...or the fact that I've reconnected with an old flame (more on that later), but the online life is lacking some lustre these days. I often take days to check my new matches where I used to check almost every day. None of the matches from earlier are even worth mentioning at this point. The several I've been in "open communication" with got boring to me or I've gotten boring to them and we've stopped exchanging messages.

With the exception of *Detroit. He and I are supposed to have a second date sometime soon, he's going to call me this week. He was really sweet and I enjoyed talking to him so I'm sure we'll have a good time but I doubt there's enough chemistry to take this too much further.

*Cartagena hasn't responded to my email. It's been a few weeks so I decided to go outside my comfort zone and write him another email seeing if we should start over. That was on Friday so I'll keep you posted if I hear from him.

I also went outside my normal role and fast tracked *Memphis because his profile says that's what he prefers. No word from him either. It appears that even in the online world men prefer to do the chasing and I can come off as too aggressive. It's going to take a particular guy to keep up with me it seems and I haven't seen him on here yet!

In fairness to the site and as I mentioned earlier, I've reconnected with an ex of mine. There's just no way the online world can compete with real life chemistry. Not for me anyway. I'd probably have written a few of the eharmony guys back if it weren't for the excitement of seeing *Naples. Fireworks literally when off when we saw each other!!! It's been a couple of years since we've seen each other. He was too young then and we were at different places in our lives. He's definitely grown up some and I always did like him so who knows maybe we've reconnected because we're ready now? We've had one date since that night. A wonderful date. I don't know that there's any more future or possibility with *Naples than with any of the guys online but it's just so much more enticing to pursue someone I can see, talk to and touch. But my fear with *Naples is that the tables have turned and this time it will be me chasing him and him walking away from me. But I still think he'll be around for a bit. Wish me luck!

I also met someone this weekend that I hope to see again. *Glasgow is a friend of a friend I've never been introduced to before. Who knew? Just when you think you've exhausted all the possible friend hook ups you're happily proved wrong. There are some things that make me think this won't go anywhere - not the least of which is that I think *Glasgow might be out of my league! He's pretty spectacular. That and the fact that our mutual friend has been telling me he's in love with me for the past five years and spent most of the night with us telling *Glasgow to stay away from me. It didn't work. I hope it continues to not work but I'll have to keep you posted on that too!

Offline, online, any-kind-of-line...I feel good about my romantic prospects for the summer!

Tally for Day 56...

New matches worth mentioning: 0
Second Eharmony Dates Pending: 1
Ex-BF Dates Pending: 1!
New Guys Met Offline: 1

P.S. Check out my new column derived from this blog on http://www.shedoesthecity.com/

Day 35

Sunday

What have you missed? A coffee date with *Detroit and not much else. Thankfully it was a much more successful than with *Yarmouth. *Detroit is sweet. We only had an hour together due to previous plans and him going out of town for the next couple of weeks. I don't know what to say. He's definitely smart and a good conversationalist, interesting profession and we have some things in common. He's engaging and I can tell he's a great guy. Sparks? I don't think so but it's hard to tell in an hour. I mean it's not hard to tell at all...but would I feel differently if we'd had more time (and a couple more drinks)? I don't know. I guess we'll see. We're going to go out again when he's back in a couple of weeks. I really don't know if it can turn into something romantic but I'm willing to explore the possibility.

I've been talking to *Johannesburg off and on. We have an okay correspondence but that's kind of what it feels like - pen pals. He hasn't made any comments or suggestions about taking this offline so for now we'll just talk.

*Rochester and I email but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere either. There wasn't one question in his last email to me or really anything for me to comment on so I haven't written back. I think this one is a dead end but neither of us have closed communication so we'll see.

Ahh yes, *Sacramento. That's at an interesting point. We're in open communication and I told him about *MIA being a common friend who had the intention of setting us up a few months back. I told him to feel free to ask her about me and he said he would have but she wasn't on the last hike they had planned. Too funny. So he said he'd like to get together and see if we click in person, I think we're both intrigued as to first *MIA and then eharmony putting us in each other's paths. So we'll see.

In more exciting news...there's someone new...let's call him *Cartagena. He's a new match that as soon as he saw my profile sent me a very forward and cute "Fast Track Request". No steps at all. And he's cute from his pictures! One of the better looking guys I've seen in the last 35 days for sure. Good profile. So I accepted. He thinks we might make an awesome couple - no one has ever said that right off the bat, I like the forthrightness. I like the initiative. Very manly and confident. And we seem to have some things in common. So we're emailing. No steps at all so we're organically getting to know each other. As organic as emails on eharmony gets I suppose! I'm excited about this one. I'll keep you posted! Wish me luck.

I've done what I said I wouldn't too...I've initiated conversation with a guy named *Jersey. There's something about him I have to know more about. Inexplicable. He's answered my first questions and I've answered his. Now it's up to him to send his MH/CS if he wants to. I don't think he does but I'm hoping we get to open communication so I can figure out what it is about him I'm drawn to. I don't have hopes for this, it's more curiosity. What am I on here for if not to explore the possibilities?

There's one more guy...*Memphis who I was matched with a couple of days ago. He says he prefers Fast Track to Guided Communication and that he'd rather meet face to face and hopefully have a good conversation at the least than spend the time online. He's obviously attractive to me or I wouldn't have mentioned him and his profile interests me. He's in Toronto which a few of those I've been talking to lately haven't been. So...do I wait to see if he writes me or do I fast track him? That's quite bold for me but I think he'd accept, whether or not he'd want to go out with me from there is tough to say. That's pretty bold for me. I'm going to think about it for another day or so...

So now that I've had two full months on this site I feel it's time to regroup for anyone wondering if I still think they should try it. I do. I absolutely do. I know I got lucky - and then unlucky - off the bat with meeting *Arizona so soon but it's that same reason I'm still hopeful I can do better. It's all timing - much like real life - and I've had fun talking to a bunch of guys. Two coffee dates in the first month - one worthy of a second. And some very interesting new prospects. So I'm still a fan. A hopeful one...

Tally for day 35...

First Dates Pending: 1
Second Dates Pending: 1
New Matches I'm Excited About: 2!

Day 22.1

Monday

*Yarmouth = Yawn. First coffee date was a dud. I suspected so but its still a bit disappointing. I don't really know what we have in common and I think he's a bit too quiet for me. The awkward part of this is that before we finished our coffee he asked me if I'd like to go out again. I said Sure but I knew I didn't mean it. But how awkward what that have been to say, "No I don't think so...pause...should we get the check?" I mean really. I guess he was sure I wanted to but even he made a couple of comments about how it was awkward between us and asked if he was boring me because I did look around and people watch a bit when conversation lulled - which was often. I'm not shy. And I'm also a flirt. This date was bordering on painful, I couldn't even entertain myself. Now I just have to wait until he calls me and then tell him I didn't feel any chemistry. It will be hard, but I've done it before and it is the truth which he deserves and I try to treat people the way I'd want them to in return.

*Sigh* - there is something profoundly lonely about a bad first date. Maybe I am not cut out to date a bunch of these guys hoping for a connection. Maybe I trust myself in that I already know without meeting them. Let's hope I'm wrong because I'm going to keep trying!

So I got an email from *Detroit today saying he'll call me for sure this week to make a plan. We both have full weeks so it looks like probably next week or maybe this weekend we'll get together. I am looking forward to meeting him. He seems really sweet, funny, down to earth and cute. I hope there's a spark!

I heard back from *Johannesburg - we've hit Open Communication. I really like his answers and as I keep saying, there's something about him I'm attracted to that I can't quite explain. His first message to me didn't say much except mostly that we'll talk soon so I'm not sure what to do. I guess I could send him an email but I don't know what to say - a rarity for me! I'm going to give it a few days and see what happens, we've taken our time getting through the steps and I know he's been on here at least as long as I have and probably longer because I took a break for a month and a half after my first month. I don't know why that's relevant haha...

*Sacramento finally Opened Communication - again, not that I really care. And his first message is on the boring side - it just says if I have any questions for him to go ahead and ask. Snore. But, for whatever reason, our mutual friend *MIA was going to introduce us and then Eharmony matched us so I'm determined to follow through and meet him if we get to that out of curiosity! So I'm debating whether to up and tell him about our mutual friend connection. He might find it weird but I feel like I have information he doesn't and well we need to do something to spice up our conversations so...I'll keep you posted!

*Rochester and I are also in Open Communication and well, we're kind of arguing already ahaha! He's asked me the same question twice about what I would change about myself if I could and I keep answering in a way he deems untruthful or for whatever reason, unacceptable. I think I've been pretty clear and you're probably wondering why I bother talking to him but I love to debate and someone that's challenging me already is interesting to me. I'm not sure what will happen next, he'll either respond or close communication, not sure I care either way but we'll see...

There's another guy to mention - *Hartford. We are also at Open Communication - I know, that's 6 guys in Open Communication. It is a lot! But then again I just met *Yarmouth and that's over so really I'm only at 5 haha. *Hartford and I have had an interesting correspondence...I chose to circumvent the 2nd questions step in a way to push him on his MH/CS's. He lists family as a priority and a dislike for people that watch a lot of television and I don't know if I want kids - leaning towards no frankly, and I watch a lot of television - it's my livelihood and I love it. So I basically asked if we should bother going through the steps and he answered me really honestly and forthrightly so I am intrigued by him. He's supposed to call me this week too. So two dates on the horizon!!

There are 4 other guys I'm communicating with (and a 5th I think I want to close) - in various stages of the Guided Communication process. It does feel like a lot! I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed but also hopeful that there's someone here for me. Wish me luck!

Tally for Day 22.1...

First Date Disasters: 1
First Dates Pending: 2 !!
Guys in Open Communication: 6! (although we're about to close 1 - see First Date Disaster Above)
Guys I'm Communicating with in other steps: 5 (although only 4 actively)

Day 17.1

Wednesday

Two dates folks. Two dates next week! *Detroit and *Yarmouth both asked me to have coffee once we hit the "open communication" stage. Intelligent conversations with both of them, two very different guys so we'll see if there's a spark! There's potential with both. Wish me luck!

I am waiting to hear from *Johannesburg again. He has looked at my profile a couple of times but not answered my short answer questions. I wonder what he's thinking or if he's talking to someone else and is waiting to see what happens with them. I've certainly done that! I actually did that with him for over a month! But for some reason I'm curious about him so I'm still hoping to hear from him.

*Sacramento and I are at the point where he can open communication and we can talk freely over email but he hasn't. I don't really care, I'm following through only because of our real world connection. I'll keep you posted.

One of the other guys I have been communicating with but haven't mentioned is *Rochester. We've taken our time over the last couple of weeks going through the steps. He certainly is self-assured - not quite cocky - self-assured. He seems to know who he is or thinks he does anyway. Sometimes he says things that sit a little off with me and then he says something in his answers that connects right to me, reaches beyond this process and into real life, has a definite charm. Hard to explain. Why haven't I mentioned him before? The former part of that sentence really, but as we've moved along, he is peaking my curiosity. So now it's up to him to open communication if he likes my last answers to his short answer questions.

There are a couple of new matches I'd like to hear from but so far I've kept to my decision to not initiate, let them chase to begin with - we'll see if I stick to that!

Tally for Day 17.1...

Real Dates Impending Next Week: 2!!
Open Communication Pending: 2

Day 15.1

Monday

I've taken a different approach to eharmony this time. I am communicating with more of the guys that initiate with me than I did before. I'm entertaining some guys I might not have before. Partly because I was pretty swept up with *Arizona pretty quickly and we went from online to offline so quickly that online couldn't compete with offline. But I'm also trying to be less quick to judge. It is easy to be turned off by a statement or two in a profile or judge someone by their pictures when lots of people aren't that photogenic and look better in person so because of this, I have a lot of updates!

I'm communicating with 6 different guys - the three from my last post - *Johannesburg, *Detroit, and *Sacramento plus three others. Only one of the others is worth talking about at this point - let's call him...*Yarmouth.

So! *Detroit and I have gone through all the steps and he "Opened Communication" with me meaning we can email each other on the site, no restrictions on topics or length. He sent me an email, I sent one back. He's really funny, charming. Definitely has a brain and I think I want to meet him! I'm not in a rush, he'll have to want to and ask but the fact that I'd like to meet him is a good sign. I'm not sure if I just like him as a person and it will be a friendly vibe or if in person we'll click.

While I'm not in a rush, I also don't want to email for too long. It's one of my hangups of online dating. You can tell I'm a bit wordy and will get into talking about things and thinking things about him that may not be true in real life. So I just have to be aware of my tendencies to say too much too soon or fall in love on paper when they aren't so charming and engaging in person. Although I think *Detroit would be equally charming in person. I guess we'll see...

*Johannesburg answered my questions and then we exchanged MH/CS's really quickly over the weekend. I feel a click with him. Can't explain it. He seems mature and put together and I like what appears to be his attitude about life. So I sent him my 3 short answer questions last night. I look forward to his answers!

*Sacramento...the one my friend actually meant to hook me up with in real life and that I'm curious about just because we were then matched on eharmony. We don't seem to have as much in common as I would normally like. Even more so, if I didn't know who he was I would have closed communications based on the MH/CS's because he seems keen on starting a family and definitely is more conservative than I'm accustomed to finding attractive. But more to the point I was making off the top today, I'm staying open this time around. And I want to give him a chance to talk to me in person about his goals for his future. Or at least in a real email and not this guided communication stuff.

His 2nd questions to me were...metaphysical. Which I found a bit annoying. It's your first opportunity to ask me something, anything about me and you ask me if I had three wishes, what would they be? Right...I'm was trying to be less judgemental... I answered honestly, as honestly as you can to questions that seemed somewhat pointless. Sorry...there I go again. But now its up to him to open communication and see what a conversation would be like. I'm still open to it, I swear. Wouldn't it be ironic if he is the guy for me after all? I guess we'll see...

The new player in this is *Yarmouth. He sent me an "icebreaker" yesterday saying he liked my smile. I sent him one back this morning that said his profile seemed interesting, why doesn't he fill in more of the fields - remember these are predetermined messages - a very limited selection but I like that one when it applies. And then he did fill in more of his profile and sent me his first questions! I like the initiative. So I answered his and sent him mine.

He answered - and by now in this process with eharmony I like being surprised by responses but there are certainly answers I consider "more right" or "less right" in my expectations and his are all "more right". Pretty much what I wanted the answers to be when I picked those questions. Interesting. So I sent my MH/CS's...and he sent his back. At this rate we're going to fly through all of the steps of "guided communication" in one day - that would be a first! Not an unwelcome first either. It means there's no game, no pretense of waiting a day or two to respond to not seem too eager or something silly like that. Which is something I've been guilty of for sure but only in response to them doing it first. So I will send my 2nd questions and hope to get his back tonight too, I'll let you know tomorrow...this post has been long enough! That's what happens when you don't write for a week!

Tally for day 15.1...

No. of Guys Communicating with: 6
Open Communication with: 1 - possibly 2 by the end of today!
Butterflies brewing: 0 - but I'm hopeful they'll start if I meet any of these new guys

Day 8.1

Monday

Lots of updates, where to start? Okay, I'll start with *Arizona and perhaps end that story so we can move onto what is hopefully soon a budding new romance...

So I did it. I passively aggressively emailed him on eharmony. I know, I said I wouldn't. Or that I would call. I don't know, I'm a girl, I change my mind...a lot. I started an email...didn't like any of it. Trying to be cute and witty but not sound annoyed about where this has or rather, has not gone is tough! I just couldn't handle a phone call that started with him saying, "I'm sorry I haven't called" so I opted for the chickenshit route and tried to email him. But it wasn't working so I actually shut off my computer, left my apartment and made it all the way to the lobby when it hit me, I knew what I wanted to say. I thought I'd send it later after mulling it around a little longer...walked out of the building...went 10 feet...and turned around, went back up to my apartment, turned on my computer, wrote and sent a very good email. Why mess with a good idea and the guts when you have them?

It was brief... I said I know it was weird emailing him on eharmony but that it is the only email I have on him and that while I should probably be taking his lack of communication as a pretty clear signal, I'm a girl and we don't like to be left wondering so I had to throw a message out into the ether and see what came of it. It was short and sweet but not too sweet. Offering a clean slate, an open door, I told him I'd be Hot Doc'ing all week if he wanted to join me.

So for the next few hours (okay maybe still today...) every time I got an email notification from eharmony saying I received a "communication" from one of my matches my stomach flipped and I had a 3 second debate with myself to read further on whether it was from *Arizona or not. It wasn't. I half expected to see that he closed communication, that's what I'd like him to do if he isn't going to respond. But I feel better about it. That whole desire for closure that we women (or lots of us anyway, not to generalize!) are always after is satisfied for me - really. I'm done. Not to mention him again...unless of course he responds. But I can move forward 100%. Needy-Closure-Girl has left the building er... blog...And on that note...

*Johannesburg has not replied to my first questions after I answered his but again, he's a match from over a month ago and he may have moved on. He hasn't closed either so we'll see.

*Detroit and I have been exchanging steps...first questions, then MH/CS's...and then today I sent him my 3 short answer questions. We do seem to have a lot in common. His smile is sweet. But I'm not feeling that click - which I need to feel but I'm (pretending) to keep an open mind. It's almost summer, I'm up for some dates with guys I probably won't fall for - not sure why I'm more open to that in the summer but perhaps its Spring Fever - which I totally have! Don't get me started on my offline exploits...that would necessitate a whole other kind of blog...but back to *Detroit...at this rate we're going to get to "open communication" soon so that's kind of exciting. These steps do get a bit tedious when you aren't dying to move the process forward...

I have received quite a number of other requests, icebreakers and the like but none I'm interested in. It's flattering to be receiving so many communications - gives me hope. And I'm not gonna lie, there's something strangely addictive and comforting about waking up every day to the possibility of at least 7 new matches - still the same number every day for some reason. I like starting my day seeing who might be on there. It was nice to have the break for a month or so and I can see how after a number of months (and from what I can tell from the FAQ section, for some people its even years!) it could be tedious. But for now, its pretty fun. So if you're still wondering if you should try it - Y.E.S.

So! There's another interesting update for today...I received a request for communication (which as a reminder means someone sent me their first 5 questions) from *Sacramento. I had quickly looked through his profile when we were matched last week without any real feeling but I spent a bit more time as I contemplated whether I would answer his questions and send my own. I'm flipping through his profile pics (thankfully there were several, I hate when there's only one or a few - usually out of focus, badly cropped or photoshopped with their ex-significant others removed - or as I often wonder, their more handsome friends) and BAM! I've SEEN this picture before!! I KNOW who this guy is!!! And get this...I've seen it because a friend of mine a few months ago contemplated setting us up and showed me a few pictures of him from a hike they had been on recently. Go figure!! Not only does my friend *M.I.A. think we have something in common but so does eharmony! I find that odd and fascinating. I still don't feel anything when looking at his profile and *M.I.A. thinks he might be too conservative for me, but I'm definitely going to reply and see what happens - the fates have thrown us together twice now in the same year. I know, it's a big city but not that big and not THAT big a coincidence but still! So stay tuned, he hasn't answered my questions yet but he took a few days to initiate so maybe he's not on the site as much as I am. Too funny.

Anyway, I'm very long winded today so I'll leave you with today's tally...

Tally for Day 8.1...

First Questions Asked of me: 1
First Questions Answered by me: 1
First Questions Sent by me: 1
MH/CS exchanged: 1
Short Answer Questions Asked by me: 1
Guys I'm Waiting to hear from (not *Arizona): 2
Passive Agressive Closure Emails Sent: 1