Day 22.1

Monday

*Yarmouth = Yawn. First coffee date was a dud. I suspected so but its still a bit disappointing. I don't really know what we have in common and I think he's a bit too quiet for me. The awkward part of this is that before we finished our coffee he asked me if I'd like to go out again. I said Sure but I knew I didn't mean it. But how awkward what that have been to say, "No I don't think so...pause...should we get the check?" I mean really. I guess he was sure I wanted to but even he made a couple of comments about how it was awkward between us and asked if he was boring me because I did look around and people watch a bit when conversation lulled - which was often. I'm not shy. And I'm also a flirt. This date was bordering on painful, I couldn't even entertain myself. Now I just have to wait until he calls me and then tell him I didn't feel any chemistry. It will be hard, but I've done it before and it is the truth which he deserves and I try to treat people the way I'd want them to in return.

*Sigh* - there is something profoundly lonely about a bad first date. Maybe I am not cut out to date a bunch of these guys hoping for a connection. Maybe I trust myself in that I already know without meeting them. Let's hope I'm wrong because I'm going to keep trying!

So I got an email from *Detroit today saying he'll call me for sure this week to make a plan. We both have full weeks so it looks like probably next week or maybe this weekend we'll get together. I am looking forward to meeting him. He seems really sweet, funny, down to earth and cute. I hope there's a spark!

I heard back from *Johannesburg - we've hit Open Communication. I really like his answers and as I keep saying, there's something about him I'm attracted to that I can't quite explain. His first message to me didn't say much except mostly that we'll talk soon so I'm not sure what to do. I guess I could send him an email but I don't know what to say - a rarity for me! I'm going to give it a few days and see what happens, we've taken our time getting through the steps and I know he's been on here at least as long as I have and probably longer because I took a break for a month and a half after my first month. I don't know why that's relevant haha...

*Sacramento finally Opened Communication - again, not that I really care. And his first message is on the boring side - it just says if I have any questions for him to go ahead and ask. Snore. But, for whatever reason, our mutual friend *MIA was going to introduce us and then Eharmony matched us so I'm determined to follow through and meet him if we get to that out of curiosity! So I'm debating whether to up and tell him about our mutual friend connection. He might find it weird but I feel like I have information he doesn't and well we need to do something to spice up our conversations so...I'll keep you posted!

*Rochester and I are also in Open Communication and well, we're kind of arguing already ahaha! He's asked me the same question twice about what I would change about myself if I could and I keep answering in a way he deems untruthful or for whatever reason, unacceptable. I think I've been pretty clear and you're probably wondering why I bother talking to him but I love to debate and someone that's challenging me already is interesting to me. I'm not sure what will happen next, he'll either respond or close communication, not sure I care either way but we'll see...

There's another guy to mention - *Hartford. We are also at Open Communication - I know, that's 6 guys in Open Communication. It is a lot! But then again I just met *Yarmouth and that's over so really I'm only at 5 haha. *Hartford and I have had an interesting correspondence...I chose to circumvent the 2nd questions step in a way to push him on his MH/CS's. He lists family as a priority and a dislike for people that watch a lot of television and I don't know if I want kids - leaning towards no frankly, and I watch a lot of television - it's my livelihood and I love it. So I basically asked if we should bother going through the steps and he answered me really honestly and forthrightly so I am intrigued by him. He's supposed to call me this week too. So two dates on the horizon!!

There are 4 other guys I'm communicating with (and a 5th I think I want to close) - in various stages of the Guided Communication process. It does feel like a lot! I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed but also hopeful that there's someone here for me. Wish me luck!

Tally for Day 22.1...

First Date Disasters: 1
First Dates Pending: 2 !!
Guys in Open Communication: 6! (although we're about to close 1 - see First Date Disaster Above)
Guys I'm Communicating with in other steps: 5 (although only 4 actively)

Day 17.1

Wednesday

Two dates folks. Two dates next week! *Detroit and *Yarmouth both asked me to have coffee once we hit the "open communication" stage. Intelligent conversations with both of them, two very different guys so we'll see if there's a spark! There's potential with both. Wish me luck!

I am waiting to hear from *Johannesburg again. He has looked at my profile a couple of times but not answered my short answer questions. I wonder what he's thinking or if he's talking to someone else and is waiting to see what happens with them. I've certainly done that! I actually did that with him for over a month! But for some reason I'm curious about him so I'm still hoping to hear from him.

*Sacramento and I are at the point where he can open communication and we can talk freely over email but he hasn't. I don't really care, I'm following through only because of our real world connection. I'll keep you posted.

One of the other guys I have been communicating with but haven't mentioned is *Rochester. We've taken our time over the last couple of weeks going through the steps. He certainly is self-assured - not quite cocky - self-assured. He seems to know who he is or thinks he does anyway. Sometimes he says things that sit a little off with me and then he says something in his answers that connects right to me, reaches beyond this process and into real life, has a definite charm. Hard to explain. Why haven't I mentioned him before? The former part of that sentence really, but as we've moved along, he is peaking my curiosity. So now it's up to him to open communication if he likes my last answers to his short answer questions.

There are a couple of new matches I'd like to hear from but so far I've kept to my decision to not initiate, let them chase to begin with - we'll see if I stick to that!

Tally for Day 17.1...

Real Dates Impending Next Week: 2!!
Open Communication Pending: 2

Day 15.1

Monday

I've taken a different approach to eharmony this time. I am communicating with more of the guys that initiate with me than I did before. I'm entertaining some guys I might not have before. Partly because I was pretty swept up with *Arizona pretty quickly and we went from online to offline so quickly that online couldn't compete with offline. But I'm also trying to be less quick to judge. It is easy to be turned off by a statement or two in a profile or judge someone by their pictures when lots of people aren't that photogenic and look better in person so because of this, I have a lot of updates!

I'm communicating with 6 different guys - the three from my last post - *Johannesburg, *Detroit, and *Sacramento plus three others. Only one of the others is worth talking about at this point - let's call him...*Yarmouth.

So! *Detroit and I have gone through all the steps and he "Opened Communication" with me meaning we can email each other on the site, no restrictions on topics or length. He sent me an email, I sent one back. He's really funny, charming. Definitely has a brain and I think I want to meet him! I'm not in a rush, he'll have to want to and ask but the fact that I'd like to meet him is a good sign. I'm not sure if I just like him as a person and it will be a friendly vibe or if in person we'll click.

While I'm not in a rush, I also don't want to email for too long. It's one of my hangups of online dating. You can tell I'm a bit wordy and will get into talking about things and thinking things about him that may not be true in real life. So I just have to be aware of my tendencies to say too much too soon or fall in love on paper when they aren't so charming and engaging in person. Although I think *Detroit would be equally charming in person. I guess we'll see...

*Johannesburg answered my questions and then we exchanged MH/CS's really quickly over the weekend. I feel a click with him. Can't explain it. He seems mature and put together and I like what appears to be his attitude about life. So I sent him my 3 short answer questions last night. I look forward to his answers!

*Sacramento...the one my friend actually meant to hook me up with in real life and that I'm curious about just because we were then matched on eharmony. We don't seem to have as much in common as I would normally like. Even more so, if I didn't know who he was I would have closed communications based on the MH/CS's because he seems keen on starting a family and definitely is more conservative than I'm accustomed to finding attractive. But more to the point I was making off the top today, I'm staying open this time around. And I want to give him a chance to talk to me in person about his goals for his future. Or at least in a real email and not this guided communication stuff.

His 2nd questions to me were...metaphysical. Which I found a bit annoying. It's your first opportunity to ask me something, anything about me and you ask me if I had three wishes, what would they be? Right...I'm was trying to be less judgemental... I answered honestly, as honestly as you can to questions that seemed somewhat pointless. Sorry...there I go again. But now its up to him to open communication and see what a conversation would be like. I'm still open to it, I swear. Wouldn't it be ironic if he is the guy for me after all? I guess we'll see...

The new player in this is *Yarmouth. He sent me an "icebreaker" yesterday saying he liked my smile. I sent him one back this morning that said his profile seemed interesting, why doesn't he fill in more of the fields - remember these are predetermined messages - a very limited selection but I like that one when it applies. And then he did fill in more of his profile and sent me his first questions! I like the initiative. So I answered his and sent him mine.

He answered - and by now in this process with eharmony I like being surprised by responses but there are certainly answers I consider "more right" or "less right" in my expectations and his are all "more right". Pretty much what I wanted the answers to be when I picked those questions. Interesting. So I sent my MH/CS's...and he sent his back. At this rate we're going to fly through all of the steps of "guided communication" in one day - that would be a first! Not an unwelcome first either. It means there's no game, no pretense of waiting a day or two to respond to not seem too eager or something silly like that. Which is something I've been guilty of for sure but only in response to them doing it first. So I will send my 2nd questions and hope to get his back tonight too, I'll let you know tomorrow...this post has been long enough! That's what happens when you don't write for a week!

Tally for day 15.1...

No. of Guys Communicating with: 6
Open Communication with: 1 - possibly 2 by the end of today!
Butterflies brewing: 0 - but I'm hopeful they'll start if I meet any of these new guys

Day 8.1

Monday

Lots of updates, where to start? Okay, I'll start with *Arizona and perhaps end that story so we can move onto what is hopefully soon a budding new romance...

So I did it. I passively aggressively emailed him on eharmony. I know, I said I wouldn't. Or that I would call. I don't know, I'm a girl, I change my mind...a lot. I started an email...didn't like any of it. Trying to be cute and witty but not sound annoyed about where this has or rather, has not gone is tough! I just couldn't handle a phone call that started with him saying, "I'm sorry I haven't called" so I opted for the chickenshit route and tried to email him. But it wasn't working so I actually shut off my computer, left my apartment and made it all the way to the lobby when it hit me, I knew what I wanted to say. I thought I'd send it later after mulling it around a little longer...walked out of the building...went 10 feet...and turned around, went back up to my apartment, turned on my computer, wrote and sent a very good email. Why mess with a good idea and the guts when you have them?

It was brief... I said I know it was weird emailing him on eharmony but that it is the only email I have on him and that while I should probably be taking his lack of communication as a pretty clear signal, I'm a girl and we don't like to be left wondering so I had to throw a message out into the ether and see what came of it. It was short and sweet but not too sweet. Offering a clean slate, an open door, I told him I'd be Hot Doc'ing all week if he wanted to join me.

So for the next few hours (okay maybe still today...) every time I got an email notification from eharmony saying I received a "communication" from one of my matches my stomach flipped and I had a 3 second debate with myself to read further on whether it was from *Arizona or not. It wasn't. I half expected to see that he closed communication, that's what I'd like him to do if he isn't going to respond. But I feel better about it. That whole desire for closure that we women (or lots of us anyway, not to generalize!) are always after is satisfied for me - really. I'm done. Not to mention him again...unless of course he responds. But I can move forward 100%. Needy-Closure-Girl has left the building er... blog...And on that note...

*Johannesburg has not replied to my first questions after I answered his but again, he's a match from over a month ago and he may have moved on. He hasn't closed either so we'll see.

*Detroit and I have been exchanging steps...first questions, then MH/CS's...and then today I sent him my 3 short answer questions. We do seem to have a lot in common. His smile is sweet. But I'm not feeling that click - which I need to feel but I'm (pretending) to keep an open mind. It's almost summer, I'm up for some dates with guys I probably won't fall for - not sure why I'm more open to that in the summer but perhaps its Spring Fever - which I totally have! Don't get me started on my offline exploits...that would necessitate a whole other kind of blog...but back to *Detroit...at this rate we're going to get to "open communication" soon so that's kind of exciting. These steps do get a bit tedious when you aren't dying to move the process forward...

I have received quite a number of other requests, icebreakers and the like but none I'm interested in. It's flattering to be receiving so many communications - gives me hope. And I'm not gonna lie, there's something strangely addictive and comforting about waking up every day to the possibility of at least 7 new matches - still the same number every day for some reason. I like starting my day seeing who might be on there. It was nice to have the break for a month or so and I can see how after a number of months (and from what I can tell from the FAQ section, for some people its even years!) it could be tedious. But for now, its pretty fun. So if you're still wondering if you should try it - Y.E.S.

So! There's another interesting update for today...I received a request for communication (which as a reminder means someone sent me their first 5 questions) from *Sacramento. I had quickly looked through his profile when we were matched last week without any real feeling but I spent a bit more time as I contemplated whether I would answer his questions and send my own. I'm flipping through his profile pics (thankfully there were several, I hate when there's only one or a few - usually out of focus, badly cropped or photoshopped with their ex-significant others removed - or as I often wonder, their more handsome friends) and BAM! I've SEEN this picture before!! I KNOW who this guy is!!! And get this...I've seen it because a friend of mine a few months ago contemplated setting us up and showed me a few pictures of him from a hike they had been on recently. Go figure!! Not only does my friend *M.I.A. think we have something in common but so does eharmony! I find that odd and fascinating. I still don't feel anything when looking at his profile and *M.I.A. thinks he might be too conservative for me, but I'm definitely going to reply and see what happens - the fates have thrown us together twice now in the same year. I know, it's a big city but not that big and not THAT big a coincidence but still! So stay tuned, he hasn't answered my questions yet but he took a few days to initiate so maybe he's not on the site as much as I am. Too funny.

Anyway, I'm very long winded today so I'll leave you with today's tally...

Tally for Day 8.1...

First Questions Asked of me: 1
First Questions Answered by me: 1
First Questions Sent by me: 1
MH/CS exchanged: 1
Short Answer Questions Asked by me: 1
Guys I'm Waiting to hear from (not *Arizona): 2
Passive Agressive Closure Emails Sent: 1

Day 5.1

Friday

Five days in and no one has me really excited. I receive 7 matches every day (I should go to Vegas and bet on 7...) but as before, most aren't really "matches". But it's early so I'm still optimistic. I am in first question stages with two guys...

One is a match from before actually. He sent me first questions and I didn't answer them because of *Arizona but I didn't close the match either because there was a lot in his profile that I really liked. His pictures are...inconclusive haha. Let's call him...*Johannesburg. In some pics he seems cute, some...not as cute but he's definitely adventurous and travels and I do like his profile. I don't know if I waited too long to respond that he won't answer my questions but I guess we'll see...

The other is again a guy who's profile I really like, he loves this city like I do and seems to enjoy a lot of the same activities. *Detroit sent me his first questions the day after we were matched, I answered and sent him mine today. I'm not really excited but he seems sweet and genuine and has a nice smile so I'll decide whether to MH/CS with him if he answers my questions.

For those curious about whether I've called *Arizona...I haven't. Some days I care, some days I don't. It doesn't help that I can see his name on my "communicating" page. Hmmm, never thought of it before but I guess I could close the match and see if he sends me one last reply but that seems too passive aggressive for me. I'm much more likely to call him. Damn, writing about it makes me want to call him. So ya, apparently there's more to this story. But then hopefully someone will come up on eharmony and I'll forget all about him.

I have a feeling someone will appear this weekend that I'll be excited about...wish me luck!!

Tally for Day 5.1...

1st Questions asked of me: 2
1st Questions answered by me: 2
1st Questions sent by me: 2

Day 1.1

Saturday

I'm back! Apparently what appears too good to be true...probably is. Turns out Arizona isn't all that interested in a relationship - or at least, not one with me. So be it. We had some absolutely wonderful dates, I really liked him and saw potential which is, as you probably know by now, more than I've really felt in years of dating so all in all - a successful first attempt at eharmony.

For anyone wanting more details...I don't think he was over being married and not looking to move forward at the pace I was. A date once a month isn't enough for me. For a guy on eharmony I made the assumption he wanted a relationship and in all of our dates he sounded like he did. But actions speak louder than words. And he seemed a bit self-absorbed - not that I'm going to trash him because he wasn't that into me, but he was - ask my friends. haha! We all get busy but at the end of the day that's just an excuse. If you like someone, you find time to be with them. I'm a bit confused about the whole Arizona situation and haven't had the closure that I do kind of want. I still think there's a phone call I'm going to make to him. I do like him and I know he likes me. So maybe I'll make the call to leave the door open for perhaps another time...or maybe I won't. I'll keep you posted. For interests sake, he is still on eharmony and has changed a couple of words in his profile so I know it's at least an active account...wierd that we could still communicate via the site but that seems very weird and I won' be doing that!

I said I wasn't going to try it again - eharmony that is - or at least not right away. I thought maybe I'd try again in the winter when there are fewer patios to sit on and more hours at the computer. And then...eharmony sent me a coupon I couldn't resist. 3 months for the price of the first one I already tried. And frankly, there was another guy in "real life" I saw a couple of times but it wasn't right either, so I've got nothing else going on...why not? You have to hand it to them, those marketers, they really know how to lure you in and keep you! But to be fair, my first experience was really positive and I've been telling everyone that's curious to go for it, that you have nothing really to lose, so I'm listening to my own advice. And if there is something I learned from this first go around, it's that I am ready and actively looking for a great guy to share my life with - for however long, but I am looking. I know they say you find someone when you aren't looking but that hasn't worked for me either!

I missed the blog too. Not that I would trade it for a relationship but I have enjoyed the self-discovery that comes from relating this experience and saying it out loud. As an analytical gal I have really enjoyed it and getting me writing every day has been good for me.

So I've started the days over with 1.1 and will let you know how it goes! Waiting for my first matches to come through...wish me luck!

Tally for Day 1.1...

Eharmony relationships failed: 1
Optimism for another go at it: limitless!

Day 26

Tuesday

Day 26...less than a week to go in the month long subscription. Updates? I turned off the automatic renewal on eharmony and have had less and less interest in looking at new matches. But I still look.

Interestingly, the day after I wrote that it was funny the other guys I had been communicating with were strangely silent, they must have heard me - the next day *Chicago answered my 3 short answer questions and asked his own, and another guy initiated with me that I'd put in my "interested" column. I haven't responded, I'm not going to. I can't imagine either of them being remotely as endearing, charming, mature, sweet - okay, okay, I'll stop - as *Arizona.

Speaking of...I had another great date with *Arizona! I even introduced him to *Stevie! She thinks he's great too - very important. I don't think I've introduced someone so early to friends nor wanted to - nor been out with a guy willing to be introduced at this point. I can't wait for him to meet everyone, my friends, my family, my whole life. I want to share all the parts of my life that matter to me, with him. We continue to connect on all sorts of levels that seem beyond chance. We talk for hours upon hours and enjoy so many of the same things, agree on so many important world issues and - oh wait, distracted, he just called :-) Needless to say...I keep getting told by friends and coworkers that they've never seen me like this.

Anyway, the point is that I think I've found someone great - or rather, eharmony introduced me to someone great. I am closing all the matches I get and instead of telling them "I want to pursue other matches at eharmony", I've switched to "I'm pursuing another relationship". Because I think that's what I'm doing - I certainly hope so anyway!

But back to eharmony...I mentioned last time that I thought I'd exhausted the interesting matches available. I no longer believe that to be true. I think without *Arizona, that there are anywhere from 10-15 guys I'd be interested in talking to, at least initially - many new ones pop up every day. It's quite fascinating still. And many of whom have initiated communication with me (but I haven't reciprocated). Granted, my heart isn't in it, but I've been objectively looking at this as an experiment and this blog as a way to share my opinions on eharmony. Even knowing I might be extremely lucky, blessed, due, whatever, in finding *Arizona right off the bat, even without that, I'm recommending it! And if you ask around I think you'll hear a lot of similar stories. I've certainly heard my share which I wouldn't have believed without this experience but now know to be true.

So I've closed matches I knew there was absolutely no interest in and I haven't answered a few others, but I know a part of that is that I have one week left - less than now - and there's still that "what if", "where's the other shoe dropping" part of me that makes me hang on - even though I have very few doubts about *Arizona. I'm just really rational and haven't found anything like this in almost a decade so I am a touch sceptical. Not to mention my vehement arguments that online dating wouldn't work for me! I do believe I deserve to find something real like this and am so hopeful it continues. I believe it will, I've had no reason to think otherwise. since the moment I met him. How refreshing to be into someone that is into me. It shouldn't be that hard, but it has been for me. I'm so excited for what's next for us.

I am sad to see such an early end to this blog, I have really been enjoying it. And sharing my experiences for anyone curious. I will say it again - TRY IT. You have nothing to lose...and perhaps...a great relationship to gain. One month, $60...money forgotten about a week in. TRY IT. And tell me how it goes! Who knows? Maybe that's the next installment of Digital Liaisons...

When Day 30 hits, I'll send another update. From what I can tell right now, I'll be with *Arizona so give me a little leeway on the timing haha.

And as always...wish me luck!!

Tally for Day 26:

Great Guys Met: 1
Relationships Building: 1
Hopes for the future: Infinite!

Should you try it? Y.E.S.