Saturday...
Today is the day. I became a full member of eharmony and got to look at all of the potential matches that were waiting for me. Some have requested communication, some have sent icebreakers - I'll explain below...
Stevie is coming over later and I'm dying to wait until she gets here to have someone to go through this with! I can't wait, I have to see some of these guys so I log in, pay, and get started! There are about 25 guys in my "matches" section to check out. I've read their profiles now I want to see if any of them strike chemistry with me in their pictures.
I think I'm realistic, if there are a few in the 25 that might interest me to talk further, I think that's pretty good. But I've never done this before. How harsh do you be? How open should you be? It feels pretty shallow to disconnect communication based on a few pictures. And yet, I'm not 16, I know what I'm attracted to and what I'm not attracted to and put that together with some statements in a profile and I start to get a feel for what I'm doing on here.
There are a couple of guys that seem kind of cute! One of them has requested communication with me - what does that mean? If you follow what the site suggests which is "guided communication" then the request means he can ask me five questions - selected from a list of get to know you better type questions. I have the option of answering with one of the multiple choice answers or write in my own for under 200 words. There is a guy I want to answer his questions...so I do. Then I get a screen where I can now ask him five of the same list of questions. I select a few of the same he sent me and some of my own.
Topics include, where you see yourself living in 15 years, the type of schedule (how busy or available) you want your partner to be, what you like to do on a Saturday night, where you'd go on a vacation, what you'd do at a party where you don't know anyone other than your date, etc. Something about this guy, I kind of like. Great, I'm hooked :-)
Stevie shows up and helps me go through the rest of the guys on the site. Lots of no's - naturally. I didn't expect this to be the super-smart-super-model-single site of my dreams, I just hope there's someone on here to go out with and maybe connect with - and in just the first day, I think there will be. Heck, I just answered questions to a guy I am looking forward to hearing from!
Other things I've learned...you can skip the whole "guided communication" stuff and go for a "fast track" where you end up talking right away - you can have a secure phone call, you can request pictures from guys that don't post pictures - who doesn't post a picture! I'm on there man, what are you afraid of? I really liked a profile of this one guy and then he didn't have a picture. That put me off. You can tell a guy why you're closing the communication/match, or choose not to. I've done both - things like I think our values are too different based on our profiles, or I'm not feeling the chemistry, or the ever popular, "other".
If you get a closed communication notice you can read the message and then the site actually gives you the option to send one more message - only the person that closed the communication can reopen it but you can ask them to take another look at you. Weird? Maybe but I suspect people get pretty judgemental after being on this for a while and if someone doesn't respond quick enough you might close communication before they have a chance to. I had a closed communication with a guy I didn't know about because I wasn't a member. His reason was "other" so I'm not going to pursue it. Too bad, he was kind of cute and I liked his tattoos...oh well!
Icebreakers - a less aggressive hi, I'm interested. Where you can select from a list to say you like someone's smile or ask them to fill out more of their profile. I like those, or I like getting them I should say. I also like that you can only send one each and then you have to move forward or not. Unlike "poking" on facebook which seems to go on forever for no particular reason with most people. I got an icebreaker from a guy that said "Your profile caught my attention, let's chat!". He's cute for sure but there's very little info in his profile so I sent him an icebreaker back that said "You seem interesting, why don't you finish your About Me questions?" - it's not ideal. It's not exactly what I wanted to say but I think I'll have to just go with it, it was the best option on there - Stevie agreed! Man it helps to have someone to ask questions to when you're doing this for the first time!
And ahahaa, there's someone we know on here! Well I don't know him exactly but he's an actor we recognize from the show who is friends with someone that works on the show. Too funny. I'll have to ask her what she thinks, I wasn't moved either way by his profile but it's amusing and a little uncomfortable to recognize someone...
I have moved some guys to a maybe list, not sure why. I just don't want to be too quick to close communication, I'm going into this with an open mind. Maybe after a week or so on here I'll revise the maybe list. Hopefully there will be more guys I'm communicating with so that I'll know those maybe's are actually no's.
And my approach is to be fairly passive on this, it's hard enough for me to be out there doing this, going against my new tactic of not asking guys out, letting them ask me so I'm going to let guys ask me for communication and see where that takes me. So far there's just one or two guys on here that I wish would send me requests to communicate that haven't. We'll see how long I deny my own nature before I send those guys questions or icebreakers. For now, I'm looking forward to hearing back from the first couple of guys I've connected with.
So...tally for day 1:
Questions Answered and Asked back: 2
Icebreakers Returned: 1
Cute Guys: Somewhere between 2-5 of 25
Guys I'd like to hear from that I haven't yet: 2
Today is the day. I became a full member of eharmony and got to look at all of the potential matches that were waiting for me. Some have requested communication, some have sent icebreakers - I'll explain below...
Stevie is coming over later and I'm dying to wait until she gets here to have someone to go through this with! I can't wait, I have to see some of these guys so I log in, pay, and get started! There are about 25 guys in my "matches" section to check out. I've read their profiles now I want to see if any of them strike chemistry with me in their pictures.
I think I'm realistic, if there are a few in the 25 that might interest me to talk further, I think that's pretty good. But I've never done this before. How harsh do you be? How open should you be? It feels pretty shallow to disconnect communication based on a few pictures. And yet, I'm not 16, I know what I'm attracted to and what I'm not attracted to and put that together with some statements in a profile and I start to get a feel for what I'm doing on here.
There are a couple of guys that seem kind of cute! One of them has requested communication with me - what does that mean? If you follow what the site suggests which is "guided communication" then the request means he can ask me five questions - selected from a list of get to know you better type questions. I have the option of answering with one of the multiple choice answers or write in my own for under 200 words. There is a guy I want to answer his questions...so I do. Then I get a screen where I can now ask him five of the same list of questions. I select a few of the same he sent me and some of my own.
Topics include, where you see yourself living in 15 years, the type of schedule (how busy or available) you want your partner to be, what you like to do on a Saturday night, where you'd go on a vacation, what you'd do at a party where you don't know anyone other than your date, etc. Something about this guy, I kind of like. Great, I'm hooked :-)
Stevie shows up and helps me go through the rest of the guys on the site. Lots of no's - naturally. I didn't expect this to be the super-smart-super-model-single site of my dreams, I just hope there's someone on here to go out with and maybe connect with - and in just the first day, I think there will be. Heck, I just answered questions to a guy I am looking forward to hearing from!
Other things I've learned...you can skip the whole "guided communication" stuff and go for a "fast track" where you end up talking right away - you can have a secure phone call, you can request pictures from guys that don't post pictures - who doesn't post a picture! I'm on there man, what are you afraid of? I really liked a profile of this one guy and then he didn't have a picture. That put me off. You can tell a guy why you're closing the communication/match, or choose not to. I've done both - things like I think our values are too different based on our profiles, or I'm not feeling the chemistry, or the ever popular, "other".
If you get a closed communication notice you can read the message and then the site actually gives you the option to send one more message - only the person that closed the communication can reopen it but you can ask them to take another look at you. Weird? Maybe but I suspect people get pretty judgemental after being on this for a while and if someone doesn't respond quick enough you might close communication before they have a chance to. I had a closed communication with a guy I didn't know about because I wasn't a member. His reason was "other" so I'm not going to pursue it. Too bad, he was kind of cute and I liked his tattoos...oh well!
Icebreakers - a less aggressive hi, I'm interested. Where you can select from a list to say you like someone's smile or ask them to fill out more of their profile. I like those, or I like getting them I should say. I also like that you can only send one each and then you have to move forward or not. Unlike "poking" on facebook which seems to go on forever for no particular reason with most people. I got an icebreaker from a guy that said "Your profile caught my attention, let's chat!". He's cute for sure but there's very little info in his profile so I sent him an icebreaker back that said "You seem interesting, why don't you finish your About Me questions?" - it's not ideal. It's not exactly what I wanted to say but I think I'll have to just go with it, it was the best option on there - Stevie agreed! Man it helps to have someone to ask questions to when you're doing this for the first time!
And ahahaa, there's someone we know on here! Well I don't know him exactly but he's an actor we recognize from the show who is friends with someone that works on the show. Too funny. I'll have to ask her what she thinks, I wasn't moved either way by his profile but it's amusing and a little uncomfortable to recognize someone...
I have moved some guys to a maybe list, not sure why. I just don't want to be too quick to close communication, I'm going into this with an open mind. Maybe after a week or so on here I'll revise the maybe list. Hopefully there will be more guys I'm communicating with so that I'll know those maybe's are actually no's.
And my approach is to be fairly passive on this, it's hard enough for me to be out there doing this, going against my new tactic of not asking guys out, letting them ask me so I'm going to let guys ask me for communication and see where that takes me. So far there's just one or two guys on here that I wish would send me requests to communicate that haven't. We'll see how long I deny my own nature before I send those guys questions or icebreakers. For now, I'm looking forward to hearing back from the first couple of guys I've connected with.
So...tally for day 1:
Questions Answered and Asked back: 2
Icebreakers Returned: 1
Cute Guys: Somewhere between 2-5 of 25
Guys I'd like to hear from that I haven't yet: 2
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