Tuesday...
I woke up hoping to have heard from *Boston, hoping he had sent me his "must haves/can't stands" after reading mine. No word yet. Went to work, worked, forgot about all this for a few hours and decided to take a quick eharmony break...
*Boston had sent me his "must haves/can't stands"!!!!!!!!!!!! And they were great! We had 5 of 10 the same "must haves" - which is good (I think) considering the number of choices there were to start with. And there were 4 of 10 "can't stands" in common - again quite good (I think)! And his seemed very thoughtful and purposeful - to the point where I did go back and edit my "hates their job" one and replaced it with "pessimism" - coincidentally one of his as well. So 5 of 5 on each side. I'm beginning to wonder if there is something to this matching after all.
Next step? Send 2nd Questions. Again I have to initiate this next step - I guess that's part of the "guided communication" and a process they believe works - you both have to initiate equally to keep it going. And so far so good! I was really excited that we'd gotten to this step 3 of 5 before we get to openly communicate (over a secure non-traceable email). I was feeling good about sharing the "must haves/can't stands" and thinking we may have potential.
Now I don't want to share all of *Boston's list because he shared those with me in what qualifies as the closest thing to a private conversation we've had... but I do want to say that he did cover some very fundamental beliefs I also share - where he could have chosen what I consider to be more surface answers. For example, he could have chosen "I can't stand to have a partner that is a television junkie"...which might be a deal breaker for us as I am a self-professed tv junkie (even in those exact words on a couple of my other online identities)! That's quite a hate on for tv if you choose it as 1 of your 10 "can't stands" when your other choices are things like "I can't stand having a partner who is...Racist, Hypochondriac, Victim Mentality, Liar, etc, etc." I'm just trying to qualify that I think we've both put thought into these lists and in sharing them. And that I'm pleased we agree on what I've now recognized for myself are essential qualities in a partner.
And that, so far, *Boston doesn't hate tv junkies ;-)
My friend *Natalie sent me an encouraging email today with some very sweet insight in a similar train of thought - she's been reading along. She said "I think the entire process is fascinating and what I like is that by going through this it is actually making you really reflect on what you really ARE looking for rather then what you think that you want! No matter if eharmony is for you or not I think it allows you to be introspective and that is important for any future relationship!!". Well put Natalie, well put.
So, Send 2nd Questions is my opportunity to ask *Boston 3 more "short-answer" questions that I can write entirely myself (in 240 characters or less!) or select from a list of suggested questions. I felt most of their suggestions have been answered in our profiles and first questions - again very interesting... but I did find 2 there that I was able to rewrite and put together in my voice for him. I pooled the office on what they would ask if they had this kind of opportunity, we had a candid conversation and came up with some good options! Thanks team!!
So I sent *Boston 3 questions I'm looking forward to the answers to. It took me some hours to come up with them so I imagine it will take him some time to answer them. Of the 3, I'm curious about this one from the list "why did you join eharmony?" - to which I added "and what has your experience been with it?" He's seemed quite open and honest so far, asking me things about fears in relationships and even parenting so I have every reason to think this next step will be a good one. Then he gets to send me 3 questions as well.
I'm beginning to think I might get to meet this *Boston - seems really quick and yet, like we know quite a bit about each other. Certainly more than I knew on my last blind date, where, for those familiar with the story know, it was a bit of a disaster. I'm referring of course to "backwards sunglasses guy"! I was set up by a friend of mine with a guy she worked with and he and I emailed 2 or 3 times before deciding to meet. In about half an hour we both knew we had nothing in common, no physical spark, poor conversation - ending the evening with a 45 minute conversation on "have you seen (insert any popular movie title here)?" being asked of me repeatedly. Ouch. 3 hours I can't have back. If we'd met on this site I wouldn't have gone out with him, I'd already know there was no "match" there. In fairness, the best part about this date was that it ended mutually with neither of us desiring any further contact. Which turned out well for me because a month later I learned from my friend that his ex-girlfriend was 3 months pregnant and they were going to make a go of it! Dating...gotta love it.
In other news...my icebreaker friend *Chicago sent me his first request for communication, he sent me 5 questions! I think I'm beginning to get the hang of this site. I have reservations about *Chicago based on my experiences with *Denver and *Boston. In comparison, *Chicago has very little information in his profile that isn't the bare minimum and certainly not insightful into what he's really like. And his first 5 questions are somewhat surface in comparison to theirs as well so I'm a bit more doubtful about our compatibility... but I'm not judging, it's a step up from the ice breaker and I want to hear what he has to say to my questions so maybe he's just been on here a while and is more reserved. Or any other number of reasons I could come up with, but why speculate? I thought there was at least another round of questions coming from *Denver and he ended things on my "must haves/can't stands"! So clearly I don't know what I'm talking about, it's Day 4 haha. Let's see what happens when he reads my answers and my questions...
No new matches worth mentioning. There seem to be matches coming in as usual but their profiles are must less detailed and are starting to expand in geographical distance from me as well. Does this mean I'm getting matches with less percentage in common but still meeting the 29 dimensions somehow? Am I reliant now just on what's been sent to me already and whoever might sign up in the meantime? I have no idea.
So tally for Day 4:
Must Haves/Can't Stands Sent back to me: 1 !!
Stage 3 - Sent to him 3 more questions: 1 !!
5 questions initiated to me that I responded to: 1 !!
Waiting for Answers to 5 questions from: 2 - same two from the other day but there's a tab you can click on to see who has looked at your profile in that day and neither of them has been to my profile today so either they're not interested or they haven't checked yet...
New matches worth mentioning: 0
I woke up hoping to have heard from *Boston, hoping he had sent me his "must haves/can't stands" after reading mine. No word yet. Went to work, worked, forgot about all this for a few hours and decided to take a quick eharmony break...
*Boston had sent me his "must haves/can't stands"!!!!!!!!!!!! And they were great! We had 5 of 10 the same "must haves" - which is good (I think) considering the number of choices there were to start with. And there were 4 of 10 "can't stands" in common - again quite good (I think)! And his seemed very thoughtful and purposeful - to the point where I did go back and edit my "hates their job" one and replaced it with "pessimism" - coincidentally one of his as well. So 5 of 5 on each side. I'm beginning to wonder if there is something to this matching after all.
Next step? Send 2nd Questions. Again I have to initiate this next step - I guess that's part of the "guided communication" and a process they believe works - you both have to initiate equally to keep it going. And so far so good! I was really excited that we'd gotten to this step 3 of 5 before we get to openly communicate (over a secure non-traceable email). I was feeling good about sharing the "must haves/can't stands" and thinking we may have potential.
Now I don't want to share all of *Boston's list because he shared those with me in what qualifies as the closest thing to a private conversation we've had... but I do want to say that he did cover some very fundamental beliefs I also share - where he could have chosen what I consider to be more surface answers. For example, he could have chosen "I can't stand to have a partner that is a television junkie"...which might be a deal breaker for us as I am a self-professed tv junkie (even in those exact words on a couple of my other online identities)! That's quite a hate on for tv if you choose it as 1 of your 10 "can't stands" when your other choices are things like "I can't stand having a partner who is...Racist, Hypochondriac, Victim Mentality, Liar, etc, etc." I'm just trying to qualify that I think we've both put thought into these lists and in sharing them. And that I'm pleased we agree on what I've now recognized for myself are essential qualities in a partner.
And that, so far, *Boston doesn't hate tv junkies ;-)
My friend *Natalie sent me an encouraging email today with some very sweet insight in a similar train of thought - she's been reading along. She said "I think the entire process is fascinating and what I like is that by going through this it is actually making you really reflect on what you really ARE looking for rather then what you think that you want! No matter if eharmony is for you or not I think it allows you to be introspective and that is important for any future relationship!!". Well put Natalie, well put.
So, Send 2nd Questions is my opportunity to ask *Boston 3 more "short-answer" questions that I can write entirely myself (in 240 characters or less!) or select from a list of suggested questions. I felt most of their suggestions have been answered in our profiles and first questions - again very interesting... but I did find 2 there that I was able to rewrite and put together in my voice for him. I pooled the office on what they would ask if they had this kind of opportunity, we had a candid conversation and came up with some good options! Thanks team!!
So I sent *Boston 3 questions I'm looking forward to the answers to. It took me some hours to come up with them so I imagine it will take him some time to answer them. Of the 3, I'm curious about this one from the list "why did you join eharmony?" - to which I added "and what has your experience been with it?" He's seemed quite open and honest so far, asking me things about fears in relationships and even parenting so I have every reason to think this next step will be a good one. Then he gets to send me 3 questions as well.
I'm beginning to think I might get to meet this *Boston - seems really quick and yet, like we know quite a bit about each other. Certainly more than I knew on my last blind date, where, for those familiar with the story know, it was a bit of a disaster. I'm referring of course to "backwards sunglasses guy"! I was set up by a friend of mine with a guy she worked with and he and I emailed 2 or 3 times before deciding to meet. In about half an hour we both knew we had nothing in common, no physical spark, poor conversation - ending the evening with a 45 minute conversation on "have you seen (insert any popular movie title here)?" being asked of me repeatedly. Ouch. 3 hours I can't have back. If we'd met on this site I wouldn't have gone out with him, I'd already know there was no "match" there. In fairness, the best part about this date was that it ended mutually with neither of us desiring any further contact. Which turned out well for me because a month later I learned from my friend that his ex-girlfriend was 3 months pregnant and they were going to make a go of it! Dating...gotta love it.
In other news...my icebreaker friend *Chicago sent me his first request for communication, he sent me 5 questions! I think I'm beginning to get the hang of this site. I have reservations about *Chicago based on my experiences with *Denver and *Boston. In comparison, *Chicago has very little information in his profile that isn't the bare minimum and certainly not insightful into what he's really like. And his first 5 questions are somewhat surface in comparison to theirs as well so I'm a bit more doubtful about our compatibility... but I'm not judging, it's a step up from the ice breaker and I want to hear what he has to say to my questions so maybe he's just been on here a while and is more reserved. Or any other number of reasons I could come up with, but why speculate? I thought there was at least another round of questions coming from *Denver and he ended things on my "must haves/can't stands"! So clearly I don't know what I'm talking about, it's Day 4 haha. Let's see what happens when he reads my answers and my questions...
No new matches worth mentioning. There seem to be matches coming in as usual but their profiles are must less detailed and are starting to expand in geographical distance from me as well. Does this mean I'm getting matches with less percentage in common but still meeting the 29 dimensions somehow? Am I reliant now just on what's been sent to me already and whoever might sign up in the meantime? I have no idea.
So tally for Day 4:
Must Haves/Can't Stands Sent back to me: 1 !!
Stage 3 - Sent to him 3 more questions: 1 !!
5 questions initiated to me that I responded to: 1 !!
Waiting for Answers to 5 questions from: 2 - same two from the other day but there's a tab you can click on to see who has looked at your profile in that day and neither of them has been to my profile today so either they're not interested or they haven't checked yet...
New matches worth mentioning: 0
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