Monday...
Hmmm, interesting day.
I checked my new matches in the morning and not only was there a very hot guy in the list, but he had already requested communication and sent me his first five questions! I like the initiative. So I waited a few hours and sent him my answers and my own questions. He responded really quickly - I think within a couple of hours! So he gets a name for sure! *Boston had me very intrigued. And I loved his answers. So far so good! So now what?
Here I am at the same place I was at with *Denver yesterday. They say the next step is to send my 10 "must haves/can't stands". I really don't like this being the next step but it's growing on me, I'll explain later. I even emailed the website to ask if we both have the option of sending these or if I am the only one with that option. I frustratingly got a form email not answering my question but explaining the whole "guided communication" process. It doesn't matter, I'd already decided to send him my "must haves/can't stands" - after showing them to a couple of guy friends in the office! Oh, and while I was at it, I sent them to *Denver too in case that was the next step with us too!
No other new matches worth mentioning.
During the day my adventure with eharmony became a more public conversation. I didn't shy from it, I probably even offered more information than was asked - I think I decided when I was going to blog along with this that I would be open about it. And who chooses to blog and hopes no one reads it? Those people have diaries... So I shared, and that being said, I received nothing but positive feedback about my experiment. And I learned that someone knows someone who just met their "dream guy" on eharmony and they're head over heals. There's hope!!!
When I got home I logged in to find that *Denver had "closed communication" and I read the message that came with - the completely uninformative and all encompassing "other" option as to why he wanted to close communication with me. Oddly, I don't really care. I did sense even before this that that he was more "extreme camper" and I was more "nice hotel" than our ultimate compatibility would stand. That's not fair, I actually think my interest in my career and my desire for a partner with a similar mentality was a bigger factor. Would I say that if *Boston weren't in the picture? I'm not sure. What interested me more was why he closed communication 3 hours (love the time stamp!) after I sent my "must haves/can't stands".
You know I have trouble with having to choose this list and having to share it so soon in a new "match". And yet, having a few hours to sit with it, I'm getting more used to the idea. I feel good about my list and think it really does represent the kind of man I want in a partner - and after all, isn't the whole point of this site to realistically determine if there is relationship potential with these people? If I was just looking for some entertainment, a date, a flirtation, wouldn't I just use a free, more popular site? And isn't this site designed to help weed out people you ultimately wouldn't want to end up with? So even though I'm not sold on having to give up this list so soon - and in the site's defense, they ask you repeatedly to take this list seriously and they make you review it before you send it (which I did with my friends at work before I sent!) - at the same time if you close our communication based on my list, then how can you be the right guy for me?
Which leads to all of these internal questions. Am I being too specific in my list? There are a lot of possibilities to choose from so am I sure these 10 on each side really represent what I "must have" and "can't stand"? Is the list too daunting? Requiring a too perfect man? What does my list say about me? How can you ask me 5 questions, answer mine - both of which were very compatible in my opinion and then receive my list and close communication?
You're curious aren't you? To see how specific this list is and how potentially unrealistic my "must haves and can't stands" might be? Okay...in the efforts of full disclosure (at least for now!), here is my list and the definitions that go with them...
Must Haves
Haha, total aside here, I just fast forwarded through a commercial break (I love my PVR) and saw a segment ad for the 6pm news of today on "online dating, your profile can make or break your chances" ahahaha. Anyway...
Hmmm, interesting day.
I checked my new matches in the morning and not only was there a very hot guy in the list, but he had already requested communication and sent me his first five questions! I like the initiative. So I waited a few hours and sent him my answers and my own questions. He responded really quickly - I think within a couple of hours! So he gets a name for sure! *Boston had me very intrigued. And I loved his answers. So far so good! So now what?
Here I am at the same place I was at with *Denver yesterday. They say the next step is to send my 10 "must haves/can't stands". I really don't like this being the next step but it's growing on me, I'll explain later. I even emailed the website to ask if we both have the option of sending these or if I am the only one with that option. I frustratingly got a form email not answering my question but explaining the whole "guided communication" process. It doesn't matter, I'd already decided to send him my "must haves/can't stands" - after showing them to a couple of guy friends in the office! Oh, and while I was at it, I sent them to *Denver too in case that was the next step with us too!
No other new matches worth mentioning.
During the day my adventure with eharmony became a more public conversation. I didn't shy from it, I probably even offered more information than was asked - I think I decided when I was going to blog along with this that I would be open about it. And who chooses to blog and hopes no one reads it? Those people have diaries... So I shared, and that being said, I received nothing but positive feedback about my experiment. And I learned that someone knows someone who just met their "dream guy" on eharmony and they're head over heals. There's hope!!!
When I got home I logged in to find that *Denver had "closed communication" and I read the message that came with - the completely uninformative and all encompassing "other" option as to why he wanted to close communication with me. Oddly, I don't really care. I did sense even before this that that he was more "extreme camper" and I was more "nice hotel" than our ultimate compatibility would stand. That's not fair, I actually think my interest in my career and my desire for a partner with a similar mentality was a bigger factor. Would I say that if *Boston weren't in the picture? I'm not sure. What interested me more was why he closed communication 3 hours (love the time stamp!) after I sent my "must haves/can't stands".
You know I have trouble with having to choose this list and having to share it so soon in a new "match". And yet, having a few hours to sit with it, I'm getting more used to the idea. I feel good about my list and think it really does represent the kind of man I want in a partner - and after all, isn't the whole point of this site to realistically determine if there is relationship potential with these people? If I was just looking for some entertainment, a date, a flirtation, wouldn't I just use a free, more popular site? And isn't this site designed to help weed out people you ultimately wouldn't want to end up with? So even though I'm not sold on having to give up this list so soon - and in the site's defense, they ask you repeatedly to take this list seriously and they make you review it before you send it (which I did with my friends at work before I sent!) - at the same time if you close our communication based on my list, then how can you be the right guy for me?
Which leads to all of these internal questions. Am I being too specific in my list? There are a lot of possibilities to choose from so am I sure these 10 on each side really represent what I "must have" and "can't stand"? Is the list too daunting? Requiring a too perfect man? What does my list say about me? How can you ask me 5 questions, answer mine - both of which were very compatible in my opinion and then receive my list and close communication?
You're curious aren't you? To see how specific this list is and how potentially unrealistic my "must haves and can't stands" might be? Okay...in the efforts of full disclosure (at least for now!), here is my list and the definitions that go with them...
Must Haves
Haha, total aside here, I just fast forwarded through a commercial break (I love my PVR) and saw a segment ad for the 6pm news of today on "online dating, your profile can make or break your chances" ahahaha. Anyway...
| Autonomy... | |
| | I must have a partner who will give me space to be my own person. |
| Intellect... | |
| | I must have a partner who is bright and can share my understanding of the world as well as enjoy discussing important issues. |
| Sense of Humor... | |
| | I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life. |
| Loyal... | |
| | I must have someone I can count on to always support me. |
| Self-Confident... | |
| | I must have a partner who knows and believes in himself/herself throughout life's ups and downs. |
| Communicator... | |
| | I must have someone who is good at talking and listening. |
| Adaptability... | |
| | I must have a partner who is able to adapt to life's surprises. |
| Curiosity... | |
| | I must have a partner who is hungry for new information and knowledge and who strives to learn as much as possible. |
| Affectionate... | |
| | I must have someone who is comfortable giving and receiving affection. |
| Chemistry... | |
| | I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner. |
Can't Stands
| Worrier... | |
| | I can't stand someone who easily loses perspective and constantly worries. |
| Anger... | |
| | I can't stand someone who can't manage their anger, who yells, or bottles it up inside. |
| Dependence... | |
| | I can't stand someone who bases their happiness on me. |
| Boorishness... | |
| | I can't stand someone who is inclined to rowdy, vulgar or disrespectful behavior when "having fun." |
| Rude... | |
| | I can't stand someone who is belittling, impatient or hateful to people in any situation. |
| Poor Hygiene... | |
| | I can't stand someone who is not clean. |
| Childishness... | |
| | I can't stand someone who is not emotionally mature. |
| Undependable... | |
| | I can't stand someone who fails to come through and is unreliable. |
| Depressed... | |
| | I can't stand someone who is constantly unhappy about their life. |
| Unhappy at Work... | |
| | I can't stand someone who hates their job and complains about it all the time. |
There is only one in there - this last one about being unhappy at work - that I might change. I know people end up in jobs they hate, I've been there but I'm fairly sure I didn't complain about it all the time - at least not without a plan to change that.
Any thoughts you want to share? I'm open to your thoughts!!
There is a huge selection to choose from so these may or may not seem like no-brainers in a must have can't stand list but as I say, the selection is very large. But I am happy with this list. And if this list makes you discount me as a mate then perhaps that's for the best. So I'm getting used to this step in the "guided communication".
Which brings me back to *Boston. He was full speed ahead with me until now. Is that related to the list? Who knows. He seems to be as active in his personal life as I am and who knows how comfortable he is about sending his list? But I haven't heard from him, and I'd really like to. But the ball is completely in his court and I have no way of controlling it from here. That's something I'm adjusting to but am kind of enjoying at the same time. I'll keep you posted...
So in my profile, there's one section that allows you to say whatever you want that you think they should know about you (in under 200 words haha) which right now for me says that this is my first online dating experience and that while I'm excited and open minded about it I do have some nervous reservations. So I debate with myself whether I should expand on this to mention I'm on a 30 day trial and that if that changes, I'll change that section. And that if I seem somewhat over-participatory (probably not a word even if hyphenated!) that it's because I do feel a bit on a time limit. That's probably off putting right? I'd caveat that with something about my doubt about online dating and my understanding that the perfect guy might sign up on day 31 and I'd never know. But really, if I'm being honest, I'm just qualifying my aggressiveness that I think might be one of the reasons I've been single more often than not for the last (not-willing-to-share) years. ;-) So let's see if the guy that likes me - for me - is here.
Tally for Day 3...
Must haves/Can't stands sent: 2
Must haves/Can't stands responded to: 1 - negatively, bye bye *Denver
Must haves/Can't stands not responded to: 1
New Matches I want to communicate with: 0 out of 5
Guys who haven't responded to my icebreaker/first questions/picture requests: 4
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